Food For Thought

As you know, my previous post was about my ongoing internal debate about what I want to do with my future.  This post is along those same lines.  Like I said before, something ALWAYS comes along to remind me that the path I am taking is not what I truly WANT to do, but what I feel I SHOULD do.  Today the reminder was the movie “Its Complicated”.  The main female character in the movie owns an incredible bakery.  In high school I took culinary for one year thinking I wanted to be a chef, and even applied to Johnson & Wales University; however, my family and peers so kindly pointed out that the chances of making any sort of reliable salary in the culinary business are very small, and I was essentially peer pressured out of that dream and back to reality.  The vast majority of television I watch involves Food Network shows, and my favorite movies are those that allow me to escape into a pseudo-reality such as Ratatouille and Julie & Julia.  Every now and then I hit a spontaneity streak and stand up for my desires and follow my heart; I apply to a prestigious school to major in baking & pastry arts and tell everyone I know, even my most difficult opponent (my dad) that I am going to do what I want.  Then, shortly thereafter, I somehow convince myself that medical school was actually my idea and talk myself out of it all over again.  Back to ground zero.  Of course, then there are the people in my life who are my personal cheerleaders.  They boost my confidence and sway my opinion all over again with lines such as “Follow your dreams” and “Money does not buy happiness!”

So, what do I do?  Sometimes I just wish I had someone to just TELL me what to do and take away my options.  Then again, my distaste for authority would probably just make me do the opposite, but the gesture would be comforting.  As it stands now, I am on track to start college all over again this fall at Buffalo State College.  With these doubts I have been having, my current plan of escape into the culinary world (if it ever happens) is to do one or two semesters of undergraduate general education classes and then take it from there and apply to a culinary school the semester or year after that.  Waste of time?  Definitely.  Which is extremely frustrating.  Damn my indecisiveness.


One thought on “Food For Thought

  1. Dear Jessica,

    I never want you to feel pressured into what you are essentially going have to live with for the rest of your life.
    If you recall, mine has been the voice, all of your life that has reitteratted again and again “Money does not buy happiness, it can make it easier, but it will not bring true happiness on it’s own” Happiness is something you feel inside of yourself, and that we as intelligent beings can create for ourselves. Some of the ways we do so are by trying to maintain some semblance of balance in our lives between work, the people we surround ourselves with, or allow into our lives and also being able to live with the choices we make in life, or the inate ability to outlive the decicsions we make in life!! LOL Which can describe a very large portion of my life. LOL
    Now as for your future, I agree you have to do with your life what brings you happiness, and what makes you feel joy in your heart. Money is only one of many factors in this decision.
    Now from my limited experience, look at me, I am surrounded by people I love, and love me back. This has not been an easy road for me as you know, but I am very happy right now, financilly I could do better, but… Do I like what I do for a living? absolutely!! I like the people I work with, the company I work for, and realize just how blessed I am to have stumbled upon the opportunities that I have been afforded in life.
    When at work I look around at my peers and at others in other places I venture in life, other businesses or even just a store. Educated people have better opportunities. Although many educated people as in with uneducated people are very happy with the decisions that they have made in life, some not so much, and it pains me to see the ones struggling with getting out of bed with their decisions everyday. They have no passion for what they do, which I hate to say it, for many is also hard wired into them. There are alot of people out there who funtion at very high levels that I have known personally, and professionally with what from my point of view is nothing more than borderline clinical depression. Although these people with their education are afforded opportunities such as pay, and nice homes, but watch the news, plenty of people with all the money that so many others dream of having “Wake up every morning take the provebial gun out of their mouths, and go to work another day” sometimes they pull the trigger or jump.
    Now if people that are educated do so choose to walk off the job or are forced to do so, higher education affords them the ability to do so at a higher income, or even just the ability to replace their existing income and maintain the level of lifestyle and comforts that they and their families have become accustomed to. Without an education instead of going forward when these occasions occur, many including myself at many points in my life go in reverse, or have to “Start over” and re-invent ourselves professionally.(All of which with the present economy, and the amount of jobs escaping our borders everyday compliments of NAFTA is becoming ever more difficult, but that is another rant! LOL)
    What me and other parents try do do to for our kids, is try to guide them, which is difficult, because as you are well aware, I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up other than happy!! Which I have found is a decision that I can make for myself everyday when I wake up and it can be very contagious. You too have that ability to make people smile just at the sight of your beautiful smile.
    As parents we try to read the future, which because we have lived within the socio-economic trends for so long, it can be done to some degree, and help our kids learn from our mistakes, (although someone tried to help us do the same thing, and obviously I and so many others did not listen to a single voice of reason. This prestigous group that I belong to have to learn things the hard way. Now I am not saying that this is necesarily the wrong way, it I believe is just how many of us are mentally hard wired if you will.)
    Now for people like us, and we are not that different in more ways than I am sure you would like to admit! LOL Because of the socio-economic level we were born in in this world we have to work harder and be smarter to get ahead than say the people “Born with a silver spoon in their mouths” However don’t ever let any of that be an excuse in your life, “I didn’t have this, I didn’t have that etc…” The stories are everywhere of people that worked hard and overcame diversity, be it economic, gender related, family related, or racial. Life is definitly what we make of it!! I am a firm believer that when you reach your late teens, early twenties it is like a rebirth, very scary!! (babies come out traumatised, and we as adults do too)not that this can’t or won’t happen many times in your life because of things that you can or cannot control, how we handle the chages defines us as people. For example, you spent your whole life in school, now you have exited the womb and security of high school which i don’t think really prepares you for real life. It as a womb is too gaurded, and you move on into college, rebirth…if your lucky (again my point of veiw I feel you are lucky to have the opportunity of an education) You bounce around trying to find something that fulfills you mentally emotionally, and financially. This most likly is not something that you are going to find right away necesarily.
    In my opinion at this point of your indecision, I think it wise to take some general courses at a low cost school, and explore different options, no sense in burying yourself in debt which will effect your future. Who knows when it will happen, but you may just stumble upon something that is truly amazing to you, that you didn’t even know existed. At that point you pursue it with ferver, and low and behold another rebirth, hopefully not quite as scary, but I was just talking to someone yesterday, who is graduating from college in two weeks, and is scared because again the security of school, college in this instance is over, and now another transition if you will. As life goes on, you will most likely experience many rebirths, I have be it professionally or personally, god knows!! LOL You are a product of one of many rebirths I have experienced in my life, and may I say through the good and the bad, and the bad have been few, just having you there has made my life so happy, and the transitions easier!!!
    The point to all of this is just this Jess….
    Do in life what brings you happiness, it sounds like at this point you dont really know what that will be in your future, so enjoy the experiences ie, the apartment, living on elmwood etc!! Life can be amazing given the opportunity.
    You will stumble, I will be there to catch you, I always will be!! Be it now in the physical form, or 107 years from now in your heart and mind, and through you, and the happiness you experience in your own life. i will always be right there beside you laughing, crying, and in the end smiling at the part I was lucky enough to be afforded just to have you in my life, and call you my baby girl!!
    I love you always!! I will always stand beside you and defend you in whatever you choices you make, or how you choose to live your life, no matter what!!
    Remember our talk Jess when you felt this indecision before? I stated this plainly, and I have not faltered…. “I don’t care what you choose to be in your life jess, be it a doctor, or a shoe cobbler, i only ask that in whatever you do, you do your best, and that you try and find happiness for yourself”
    That has not, and will not ever change!!

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