The hardest part about getting divorced isn’t missing the person you were married to. You may be happy to finally be away from the person with whom you weren’t compatible and out of a toxic relationship. You may be happy to have a second chance at finding the right person for you. What you miss is the guarantees, the small comfort of knowing what comes next and who will be there. The little things like knowing on Sunday you will wake up, get dressed, pick up some doughnuts, and watch HGTV for 4 hours like you do every Sunday, or knowing that every single night when you get home from work there will be dinner ready and someone to share it with. You never have to worry about going to bed alone or needing to find the perfect body pillow because you have someone there with you 7 nights a week, who counts on you hitting the pillows at the same time they do. Many people believe that dating is better than marriage because it’s still fresh and exciting, but it’s also scary and uncertain. Marriage means someone has committed to spending 7 nights a week with you for the rest of your life, and to share the boring nights on the couch with cookies and sitcoms. Married couples should try to keep the spark and excitement alive. You should keep dating the person you love for the rest of your life and constantly remind them how much you care. Whether you have been together for a month or a decade the little surprises like flowers, chocolate, dinners, and phone calls should remain an essential part of your routine. However, you should never take for granted the little moments that seem boring, because it’s the boring stuff you miss the most in the end.💜
Add a comment November 19, 2014
Alright, so I admit I am one of those crazy people who starts celebrating christmas WAY too early. This year I started listening to Christmas music in June, but that’s besides the point. Today I was listening to Christmas music (yeah yeah it’s only July), and as usual it put me in the most optimistic and positive mood. It got me thinking, so many people these days forget why life is worth living. There are so many teenagers and even adults out there that take their lives because they think things will never get better. So here is my assignment for everyone (don’t worry, it’s a fun one!): Make a list of things you are looking forward to, whether it be something later today or something 10 years from now. This simple task will make you excited for tomorrow, excited for the future, excited for life!
Here is my list of things I can’t wait for:
-To go to my husband’s family’s cottage next week for a week of camping. This time we are bringing my family which should make it extra fun!
-Fall. We’re almost to August and I cannot wait to break out my sweaters and scarves and head to Starbucks for a Pumpkin Spice Latte. Also, every year in the Fall we go to Becker Farms in WNY to pick apples, and I think my almost 2 year old daughter will really enjoy it this year.
-Christmas, this year and every year!
-To meet the newest addition to my family in January.
-To start nursing clinicals (hopefully) next Fall.
-To bring my kids to Disney (probably not for another 6 or 7 years, but I am still excited for it!)
-To learn French (probably not for another 10+ years, but I have always wanted to become fluent in the language so it will happen eventually!)
After thinking of all I have to look forward to I can look at life a little differently. Though things may not always be perfect and times might get tough here and there, I know that there is a lot to live for. I have way too much to do to give up now! I hope each and every one of you can find a few things to look forward to as well!
Add a comment July 28, 2012
Sometimes life can be so hectic that we forget who we are. We’re so busy in our lives working, caring for our families, going to school, taking care of a home, and trying to make relationships work, we don’t have time to sit down and do the things we enjoy. Before I got married and started a family I loved to spend my Sunday mornings sitting in Starbucks with a New York Times, a scone, and a latte. Obviously once you start a family those little pleasures disappear. Not to say that there aren’t new joys to fill your day, because there are, but it’s just not realistic to think that you can quietly relax in a chair at Starbucks when you have a toddler running around screaming. And honestly, at the end of the day, I usually don’t even have the energy to read or think, even on a “day off.”
I was just going through my Facebook intending to clean it up and edit my favorite music, interests, etc. since I haven’t done so in, oh, 2-3 years. But instead of finding things I wanted to change, I found that I still have all of the same interests that I had 3 years ago. I still like the same music, I still love yoga, meditation, baking, and football, and I still like the same books and newspapers. However, I can’t remember the last time I meditated or sat down to read a newspaper; who has time for that? That’s when I realized I had lost myself in my busy life. I think it is so important to take time for yourself once in a while to regain yourself; I read that all the time in parenting magazines. It is essential to a healthy relationship to do things you enjoy and stay connected with the people in your life outside of your family so that you can appreciate what you have while still being happy. Unfortunately I can’t say that I have done a great job maintaining a healthy relationship, and perhaps it’s partly because we both forgot who we are, and we both prevent each other from being ourselves. That spells disaster in any language.
I need to make it my goal to find balance in my life, and if you feel like you are losing yourself too, then maybe you should give it a try too. If anyone finds any way that works I’d love to hear it!
Add a comment July 14, 2012
I just read an article about the differences between French children and American children, and I am very intrigued. As a mother I am constantly looking for ways to improve my parenting abilities and help my daughter grow up to be the best woman she can be. As soon as her first birthday rolled around my baby immediately transformed into a toddler. Every day she learns to do something new, and usually something that she should not be doing. First it was learning where the cat food was and how fun it is to eat it, and then it was ripping the magazines to pieces and climbing into the bath tub with all of her clothes on. Every time I pick up the pile of scattered coasters I turn around to find a pile of DVDs all over the livingroom covered in coffee. As a working mother, student, and wife there are not enough hours in the day to get everything done, and as my toddler becomes more mobile there seems to be more to do. So how is it that French parents get their toddlers to be patient, polite, and independent? Pamela Druckerman seems to know the answer to that question. Though American parents say “no”, we apparently aren’t say it correctly.
“I pointed out that I’d been scolding Leo for the last 20 minutes. Frédérique smiled. She said that I needed to make my “no” stronger and to really believe in it. The next time Leo tried to run outside the gate, I said “no” more sharply than usual. He left anyway. I followed and dragged him back. “You see?” I said. “It’s not possible.” Frédérique smiled again and told me not to shout but rather to speak with more conviction. I was scared that I would terrify him. “Don’t worry,” Frederique said, urging me on. Leo didn’t listen the next time either. But I gradually felt my “nos” coming from a more convincing place. They weren’t louder, but they were more self-assured. By the fourth try, when I was finally brimming with conviction, Leo approached the gate but—miraculously—didn’t open it. He looked back and eyed me warily. I widened my eyes and tried to look disapproving. After about 10 minutes, Leo stopped trying to leave altogether. He seemed to forget about the gate and just played in the sandbox with the other kids. Soon Frédérique and I were chatting, with our legs stretched out in front of us. I was shocked that Leo suddenly viewed me as an authority figure.”
While I work on my “nos” I intend to buy Druckerman’s book, “Bringing Up Bebe” so I can pick up a few more pointers. Hopefully by the time Lily Noelle is two she will be acting a little more French (after all, my maiden name is Salgot).
Add a comment February 12, 2012
I must prelude this post with a little background. I am currently taking online classes through Bryant & Stratton College, and every week we have to participate in a ‘discussion’. This week’s discussion in Philosophy250 is IAD (Internet Addiction Disorder).
I must admit when I first read the topic I was convinced this was a real disorder. I know from personal experience what it is like to suffer from withdrawal symptoms from technology. In my first semester of college I was having so much trouble concentrating on my assignments because I could not focus my attention on my work for more than a few minutes without checking my Facebook. I tried but failed many times to limit my internet usage to certain hours per day and not going on Facebook in the middle of writing a paper. I even deactivated my account multiple times, yet I always ended up going back because I realized it was my primary method of contact with the outside world (which is a whole different problem in and of itself). However, after doing some research, I must side with John M. Grohol Psy.D. We are approaching the problem the wrong way. Internet addiction is not a disorder by itself, but a symptom of other problems. I went on Facebook compulsively because I wanted to avoid doing work, and because I have other social problems that cause me to feel secluded, and Facebook “fixed” both of those problems for me. Dr. Grohol likens the escapism to going out with friends to avoid being at home when you are unhappy in your marriage. He also likens the addiction to watching too much tv or reading too many books. He calls this “Compulsive over-use.” (John M. Grohol, 2012)
If we put every little symptom into it’s own category of disease then it is going to take us a long time to fill out medical history forms, because we are all very ill.
John M. Grohol, P. (2012, January 5). Internet Addiction Guide. Retrieved from PsychCentral: http://psychcentral.com/netaddiction/
Add a comment February 12, 2012
Love is a term that will never be completely captured by a definition. According to the dictionary, love is, “A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.” I don’t think it’s that simple. Love is not simply an affection or a tender emotion; it is an obsession, a state of mind, a yearning to constantly please someone. So many people are so quick to say, “I love you,” because they don’t quite understand what love is. Someone who cheats on their spouse is not in love; perhaps they have lust for their spouse, but they do not truly love them. When one is in love one would do anything to protect that person whom they love. They would never hurt that person, and they certainly would never want someone else. This concept is impossible to understand unless you have been in love. I’m not certain we ever fall out of love completely; there will always be that ache in your heart when you hear their name.
I believe Shakespeare teaches some of the most important lessons of love. In Act III Scene I of The Tempest he says, “Hear my soul speak. Of the very instant that I saw you, Did my heart fly at your service.” A person in love would do anything for the person whom they love. Act I Scene I of A Midsummer Night’s Dream states, “Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.” Love is truly blind. When you are in love you do not see that person’s flaws as others do. You do not only fall in love with their good traits, but also their imperfections. Finally, Hamlet says in Act II Scene II, “Doubt that the stars are fire, Doubt that the sun doth move his aides, Doubt truth to be a liar, But never doubt I love.” Love is knowing. One does not think one is in love, one IS in love, until death do you part. Love is forever, be it a curse or a gift.
Call me crazy or obsessed, but I call it love.
Add a comment August 24, 2011
Today my husband and I came up with an interesting concept:
What if marriage was like a lease that you had to renew annually?
Some people renew their vows as a way of showing that they still have the love for one another that they had when they first decided to wed, and that they still promise to spend their life together. What if this was a mandatory exercise every year for all marriages? Like a lease on an apartment, if after the year you spent together you decide you would like to move on, then you would simply not renew your vows. This would save couples from having to go through the process of divorce, which would take away a lot of tension from impending breakups. On the other hand, it would be a way for couples that are still madly in love to renew their promises and think of how wonderful their life is together.
I think the only people who would strongly fight this becoming law are the divorce lawyers, because clearly they would be out of a job!
Add a comment May 18, 2011
There are a few quotes that pop into my mind when I think about the concept of cheating: “Cheaters cheat for a reason,” and “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”
As for the first quote, “Cheaters cheat for a reason,” is that a justifiable claim? Perhaps in some cases it could be. For example, if you feel that you are trapped in a loveless marriage, especially if horrible issues such as abuse are involved, that is a decent reason to seek love elsewhere. On the other hand, what is keeping you married to someone you don’t want to be with? If you are constantly fighting and miserable, then divorce would seem preferable to me. If the issue is simply a less-than-remarkable sex life, however, it might seem easier to seek excitement elsewhere in addition to your marriage rather than as a replacement. Regardless of how you feel about your significant other, regardless of how they have treated you or what has happened between you, I feel that every single person in this world deserves the dignity of a divorce over deceit. Call me old-fashioned, but I would rather have my significant other leave me than find out they are living a double life behind my back. It’s far more insulting to find out you have been tricked into believing someone loves you than to just be told it’s not going to work out.
The second quote, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me,” is one that I hold near and dear to my heart. I have been in countless situations where I have caught someone in a lie, and then given them multiple chances to redeem themselves. That is what I call the Eternal Optimist Syndrome; it is so much easier to continue falling for the same line than to admit that someone will never be honest to you and things will never work out between you. It’s like 3Lw said in the 90’s, “The playas gon’ play, them haters gonna hate, them callers gonna call, them ballers gonna ball.” All kidding aside, I think it’s fair to say that cheaters are going to continue to cheat, especially if they are already repeat offendors. I don’t quite understand it, but it seems that some people are just perpetual liars; perhaps because it always gets easier to lie/cheat the second time. I’m all for second chances, but third, fourth, and fifth chances, not so much.
I don’t think I will ever understand the purpose of cheating. To me, if I wanted to be with someone, whether it be for companionship or just sexual interest, I would want to completely be with that person. Relationships are exhausting; why would I ever want to balance more than one at the same time? If I wanted to seek thrills I would become a police officer in a bad city or a government assassin; much more exciting.
Add a comment April 29, 2011
I’m sure I have posted something along the same lines before, but I feel that this is a message worth reiterating:
I cannot wrap my mind around intolerance and the world we live in. In the year 2011, why do people still have to be so afraid of letting the world know who they really are? There are so many people every year that attempt or commit suicide because they identify as a member of the LGBT community and are afraid of what others might think if they were to come out. Even more so, there are countless (thousands? millions?) of people who feel that they need to hide their identity for fear of rejection or losing their family and friends. Fortunately we are making progress in this matter, including the repeal of DADT and states across the country progressively allowing same-sex marriage.
I just wish I could gather up every hiding person out there and tell them, “You are not alone! There is absolutely nothing wrong with you!” It might not be easy to come out, but it’s a heck of a lot easier than bottling up your emotions and living a miserable lie .
I would also recommend that everyone check out the website “I’m From Driftwood.” It has a lot of wonderful stories (especially if you’re feeling alone!) Here is an inspirational excerpt I found in an article titled I’m From New York, NY:
“..Love is universal. Same-sex love is not a demonic deviation of heterosexual love. Love is love. It comes from the young and old, rich and poor, Chinese and black… it comes from our hearts. Who we give it to is our choice.”
Add a comment April 22, 2011
Do you ever have those days when you just want to be home? On a stressful day you need to go home, curl up on the couch with a book in your pjs, and relax. For some reason the familiarity of your four walls is so comforting. When you move, however, it can feel like you’re not home anymore.. just yet anyway. In the last two years I have moved more times than I can count, and it’s emotionally trying. I can’t even imagine how hard it is to be homeless for that reason alone. Obviously it would be stressful to not know where your next meal is coming from or where to go when it rains, but on top of it all they are denied the comfort of relaxing in a familiar place. Everyone needs one place to be their sanctuary on those days when the world seems like too rough a place to be a part of. Because of that, I can’t wait to finally settle down permanently and not only have a house, but a home.
Add a comment April 17, 2011